In a few days, I will have been in school for two months. Over half of a quarter has passed, warning notices for dangerous grades have been sent, and students are groaning and crying in grand style over the English project, calculus test, or expository essay. In a previous post, "Drugs, Teens, Love," I discussed in moderate detail the methods in which adolescents cope with social, academic, and familial stressors, with a focus on unconventional or unheard-of methods and means. The post also brushed upon the idea of romance and emotional attachment in the form of relationships. Now, as a high school junior, I feel that a second look is most deserved.
Any quick-and-dirty look into a school hallway or lunch court in high school will show how much teenagers are in love with, well, love. Public displays of affection (PDA) – generally regarded a social characteristic for adolescents in the West, as opposed to socially conservative Eastern cultures – pose so much of an eyesore (or eye candy, for some depraved individuals) that most schools have rules against kissing and caressing, respective from sexual harassment codes. Some schools around the world have gone so far to ban hugging or high-fiving; this rise in restrictions strangely correlates with the acceptance of the idea that mainstream media is becoming exceedingly grotesque and sexualized as conventional wisdom. Immense peer pressure that seldom opposes relationships (at least, on the outside) only makes teenagers more predisposed towards 'falling in love.' All this points to the idiotically obvious fact that adolescents have a tendency for romance and infatuation.
Students, of course, often lack the tendency – or the need – to notice larger patterns of relationships in school. (Being in a relationship is a tunnel-vision inducing experience.) The most visible pattern I could find regarding newfound attachment in my school is an escalating presence of couples as age progresses. Relationship gossip becomes more ubiquitous among students as they progress through high school. Those without a boyfriend or girlfriend may find themselves preoccupied with talking about someone else’s.
I have observed high school activity as being divided into four key parts, corresponding to the four years students spend in secondary school.
- Freshman: The acquaintance stage – Newcomers to the high school environment and the subcultures associated with it primarily use large-scale social interaction (acquaintanceships) to quickly develop their own ‘social location’ amongst the student body.
- Sophomore: The friendship stage – Once the student has defined his/her social group, efforts are made to solidify relations with the students he/she affiliates with.
- Junior: The relationship stage – Comfortably settled in a social group, the 11th grade student may further hone in on developing deeper friendships with select individuals within the peer group – often, romantic attachment, if not at least stronger friendships, develop here.
- Senior: The farewell stage – 12th grade marks a beginning of a potential end to relations with the peer group/s they developed in the past 3 years. Loose ends with friendships – disagreements, squabbles, rivalries – are resolved or dissolved; students begin making the effort to ensure the continuation of peer relations beyond the familiar environment of the high school campus. Social cohesion in universities, by contrast, may be much more powerful and permanent (primarily because students may be neighbors, smaller peer groups in college)
The “relationship stage,” as I title junior year, is the focus of this article/post. The eleventh grade student is no longer preoccupied with the troubles of finding new friends. But how does the alleviation of this minor stressor contribute to the development of relationships? The answer comes from another type of stress: academic pressure.
Eleventh grade is a year full of standardized tests, challenging AP courses, and the task of dwindling down prospective colleges. The “academic Darwinism” that ensues is disturbingly ferocious: friends become enemies that become friends again, only in an effort to gain an academic edge. (Cue: can you help me with this essay/these math problems/this project?) The friendships that took years to develop are either superseded by the high priority of academic achievement, or are simply dissolved by academic pressure. Amidst this meritocratic war of intellects, the student finds a need for emotional support. This is where relationships and close friendships foster.
Most adolescent relationships, contrary to what I’ve previously stated, are not purely byproducts of teenage impulsion and hormonal activity. Relationships tend to be developed through a catalyzing force. For any stressed-out student – but especially juniors – the shadowy forces of academic stress pull friends and people together, if not apart.
Part 2: The Relationship
A short, quick, speculation-based supplement to ‘Boys and Girls’
The only thing more commonplace than the adolescent relationship is the tendency for one to end quickly. The average span of a relationship among high school students is roughly four months. The psychological reason is simple enough: the hormones that sponsored the euphoria and natural high within the body got tired and went away; love, attachment, romance – whatever you wish to call it – fades. But is there a social context to the faltering or broken relationship? Again, ‘yes’ may seem to be the obvious answer.
Many (but certainly not most) high school relationships are typically brought upon with much publicity and attention from curious/delighted friends. Indeed, publicity is an all-too-common aspect of the teenage relationship. Few couples expect their hand-holding habit to be spotted by nobody; in fact, many couples intentionally conduct these subtle forms of PDA in front of other students. The sometimes-annoying wall-post exchange conversation between couples on Facebook is another, virtual example. I prescribe two interpretations for such actions. To conduct acts that prove to others two people are in a relationship serves to reassure the individual of his/her companionship; it is a form of demonstrating relationship security. The social context is that adolescent culture and domestic mainstream media may subtly support such demonstrations of mutual compatibility (real or not). This, of course, brings pressure to the couple.
If two individuals become subject to excess scrutiny regarding the nature of their relationship, the romance becomes nothing more than a publicity stunt. Adolescents are already unsuited for lasting relationships, so when the relationship becomes an extended public relations campaign, it only takes one mistake (or none at all) to render the couple to realize that they were nothing more than a result of external forces – peer pressure – impacting on internal forces – hormonal impulse.
A healthy adolescent relationship is not impossible, of course. It simply must be executed in a way where it is not subject to the stereotyped, idealized, romanticized, and sometimes malevolent opinions of peers.
~will be subject to further review~
SAT Vocabulary:
1. Expository – adj. pertaining to a formal presentation.
2. Harassment – v. To trouble with importunities, cares, or annoyances.
3. Depraved – adj. morally bad
4. Conservative - adj. adhering to the existing order of things.
5. Grotesque – adj. incongruously composed or ill-proportioned.
6. Immense – adj. very great in degree, extent, size, or quantity
7. Ubiquitous – adj. being present everywhere
8. Cohesion – adj. the property of being consistent
9. Alleviate – v. make less burdensome or less hard to bear.
10. Dwindling –v. diminish or become less.
11. Supersede – v. displace
12. Speculation – v. to pursue inquiries and form conjectures
13. Idealize – v. to make to conform to some mental or imaginary standard
14. Malevolent – adj. wishing evil to others
15. Predispose – v. similar to ‘predilection’, a common SAT word (n.) that means “a preference or inclination for something”
